Its a boy!

They say writing a thesis is like giving birth.... I was going to go into the details of where my baby is in terms of anatomy, but I was started to gross myself out, so I'll hold back. In all reality, it's not born yet, but I'm getting close. I submitted the first draft of my thesis to my committee members today. One trip to Staples, $110, some huge binder clips, and it's in. I was honestly nauseated while it was getting printed and copied. And then to see it - all 236 pages, it was a moment - liberating and terrifying.

In other news, I went to a catered dinner with my dad yesterday for this conference he's at here in philly. They were serving steak.... Now I am not a vegetarian, but I honestly can't remember the last time I ate red meat. I think my friend Jenn made some taco soup with hamburger in it.... but when was that... months ago? So, they set this plate in front of me, one big, rare chunk of meat. And I'm thinking, "okay, julie, you can do this" and I picked up my knife and fork and started to cut into it and the weirdest thing happened - I honestly felt nauseous. Just thinking about it, I'm feeling sick. Weird, I think it was the cutting that really put my over the top. I feel like I could eat a steak fajita, or a hamburger without too much problem.... because then I don't really have to see it. I hate to eat meat if there's any bones involved - it's just too much like an animal. I like to image that there's a chicken breast tree somewhere. Now I've discovered that I can't cut red meat. Oh, and my story has a happy ending - they had a vegetarian option - and I had a lovely dinner of grilled vegetables.

a disaster and a miracle

last night I cried about my thesis for the first time. I mean cried. A computer glitch made me lose an hours worth of work. Really, not that big of a deal.... but for some reason I just couldn't deal. The thought of having to rewrite what I'd done was terrifying. I'm to the point where every moment of working on it is pretty much torture and I just want to be done. So I just let the tears come. Actually, I'm pretty impressed that after about a year of working on I've only actually shed tears once. Not bad really. And after all those tears, by some miracle. I mean a real miracle I found what I thought I'd lost. miracles.

I am so mad. I am absolutely seething. I'm madder now than I've been in a long time - maybe ever. Computers stink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Something that should have been so simple has now taken up 2 and a half hours of my life that i can't get back - and it's still not right. ooooohhhhh I am so so angry. I want to stamp my feet, pound my fists and just yell at the top of my lungs. I HATE THESIS!

almost there....

So, last night and this morning I finished the results section, conclusion, and wrote the abstract. The only thing left to do is finish up/edit the discussion, and finish up the formatting and put it all together..... I can almost taste it..... still, I can't really motivate myself to work on the discussion. I am just so tired and thinking about, reading about, and mostly writing about this stuff. Today I spent the afternoon at Borders reading magazines and listening to CDs. Bought the new Wilco and the semi-new Feist. I've been avoiding the work for a while and need to get back to it, but I really don't want to. We'll see.

American Idol was really unfair - making Blake sing that silly cheesy girly song. I think I voted for him more than I would have out of sympathy. I need a boy who wears argyle sweater vests.

So far today I've updated my intro - added bits about the results and discussion. I wrote it months and months ago so it was a bit of a mess, but I think I got it. I also spent forever working on some formating. I swear I spent hours on the stupid table of contents. I never knew that dot leaders existed and I had know idea how to put them in. After trying some stuff I finally got it, though I'm not exactly sure what I did. It's getting more and more tedious. But the good news is that I'm getting down to a "to do" list that isn't too terrifying. Add a little bit to the results, finish the discussion, finish up the conclusion, and write the abstract, finish formating and put it all together...... we're getting close.

I'm excited cause my parents are coming to philly tonight for a week. I'll have to ditch them a bit to work on thesis, but I feel like I've got things under control for the most part. And a break tonight to watch American Idol tonight. I recognize that Jordin is a better singer, but I can't help loving Blake - he's got style, and I generally love the personal spin he puts on things..... I'm afraid Jordin will just turn into a robot.

But something more exciting than American Idol is coming on thursday. That's right people - so you think you can dance! I can't wait.

one week

my first draft is due a week from tomorrow. I need to update my intro, trim my results section, add a bit to my discussion and conclusion and format format format. miraculously I actually think I'm going to get it done. Though I am not excited about paying for 3 copies - with my thesis likely being a bit more than 200 pages. but 200 pages! I can't believe I've written 200 pages of something. Yay for accommplishments with page numbers attached. back to work.

In an attempt to salvage my sanity and to self-congratulate myself (redundant) and provide motivation in working on my thesis I begin this blog. I hope no one ever sees it. Thank you.