Seattle/Portland

Hey. So I had my interview in Seattle a little over a week ago. I think it went well - though it's always impossible to tell. I know they're in the process of checking out my references now - so we'll see. More of the problem is that I need to figure out if I want the job or not if I get an offer. Before, I kept telling myself that I'd figure things out once I had the interview..... shoot. In the meantime, I'm enjoying the pacific northwest. The highlights have been a day at the beach (but getting the car stuck in the sand sucked) and blueberry/raspberry picking. Plus, I've been trying to keep myself busy with projects - like making baby blankets for my new nephews. They're still in the hospital - they're doing okay, but they need to put on some more weight before they can be sent home. Here's some new pictures. I want to meet them so bad!

Twiners!!!!

Here's Joshua (5lb 2 oz) and Jeremy (5lb 9 oz)! Cute!

Portland, OR

So, I made it to portland after one more day of torture in the car. I've been staying with my sister and her kids. One of her daughters loves me and won't leave me alone for a second. Luckily some of her cousins also came to visit yesterday and she's lost interest in me. It's been nice seeing family and hanging out. Though, I'm getting seriously bored. The novelty of this big unknown adventure has definitely worn off and i'm ready for the next phase of my life to start already.

It's definitely been weird to be here and i've found myself missing philly quite a bit. Yesterday I spent the day in downtown Portland. Oh. actually crazy thing. I ran into Alex Quistberg at a giant bookstore in portland. (it was a way awkward side hug - I hate side hugs). He was there visiting Dave Bailley (maybe some of you know him?) another guy who I knew from philly from before my mission, who just moved to portland a week ago. CRAZY! And please spare me the comments about me and Alex. It was a total coincidence (not fate and I'm not Felicity).

Also went to a Blues Festival in Portland..... and I realized two things. One - I like zydeco music. Two - hippies can be sort of cute when you only see one at a time and with a big break in between...... but when there's a whole mess of them all in one town its not cute anymore. all the flowy dresses and beaded jewelry. ugh. I'm definitely missing the diversity of philly. I was sad that the only black people there were the people playing in the bands. I think Philly definitely meshed well with my middle child issues of liking to be different. Here I'm just another mid-20s, environmentally-conscious (or trying to be) white girl in a town full of them. Yuck.

Utah

So, I made it to Utah. Barely. I knew Nebraska was going to be annoying so I wasn't surprised when Nebraska went on forever. But Wyoming about made me crazy. It went on forever! I listened to country music and went to an awesome gas station with animal heads hanging on the wall. The past few days I've been chillin with friends in Salt Lake. It's been fun to see old friends and see mountains and not have humidity to deal with. Still, right when i got to Salt Lake I was really sad to not be in philly. Tomorrow I will probably head to Portland. I can't believe I have to get back in the car!! ugh. Sometime I will post pics from my trip. Don't worry.

York Nebraska

So I have survived two days in the car and 12 hours between me and Zion. Only a few nasty states to get through. The highlights of my trip have been seeing the Worlds Largest Truckstop in Iowa and a Danish town - also in Iowa - they have a windmill and Danish flags everywhere. The best part was that I was able to buy a abelskiver maker. Yes! For those of you who don't know an abelskiver is a delicious Danish pancake/scone sort of thing. I've been keeping my open for a pan for years. Who knew I would find it in Iowa. Alright. Time to get back on the road.

Update

Hey.  Well, it's official.  Today was my last day at work.  At the beginning of next week I'll be packing up and driving out west.  Not exactly sure where I'm gonna end up but that's a small detail.  good heavens, I feel a little crazy.  whatever.  it's good to be young and unemployed.  work it out.  

positive coping

All the time I talk to people about coping skills and now I'm needing to follow my own advice. What I want to do is put on pajamas and lay in my bed for hours despite the fact that it's not even 7 pm. I am trying to resist and have compromised to jeans and a hooded sweatshirt (with the hood on which makes a difference).

Something really terrible happened with one of my clients this week. And it is affecting me. Up until now I've been pretty effective at "turning off" when I come home from work, but now it is too intense. It is too much. But it's so much less than what my client is confronting that I feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed. How dare I feel bad when she feels so much worse. How dare I complain about headaches and the desire to wear pajamas 24/7 when her suffering is exponential compared to mine. I feel guilty about my attempts to avoid the pain when for her it is unavoidable.

And I don't know what to do to help her. Right now I hate that there are no perfect answers. And that time, passes so slow. It would be nice to fast forward a few months when things will be a little easier. It pisses me off. Yesterday when I was driving home a car honked (I don't know if it was necessarily at me, but it felt like it was) and I yelled at full volume (not at the car, but just out at the world) I noticed smiling people walking down the street. Some people could be experiencing some of life's happiest moments while for other people the world is literally falling apart.

Still, I am glad for the connections I have with my clients. There suffering is real whether we are there to witness it or not. And maybe my presence matters is some small way.